Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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