Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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