Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do vagina's smell?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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