He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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