everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
did i walk over a car last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
