A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
