let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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