ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
