OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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