is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
