Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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