idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
