I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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