ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
