she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
