Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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