i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
