I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
