in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
