I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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