eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
