You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize