seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
