You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
