FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
