stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
