They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
