Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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