using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize