i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Life is so much better after having sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
