I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
