Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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