We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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