VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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