he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
