We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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