I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
