and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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