I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
