dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
third nipple confirmed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
