he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
