Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
