well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
