you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
