We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
