The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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