if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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