I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
