we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
