I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
