please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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