may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
