Cold hands, warm shart.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
