I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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