After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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