I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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