I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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