Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
