Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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