Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
