you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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