now i know why i became what i already was.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
