I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
