piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
