I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
