I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
