I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
